me and the boyfriend and friends are going to the dominican in may, to celebrate graduating. i was looking at hotels and saw one had free wedding ceremonys on the beach. i jokinly said we should do it. he said if i really wanted to we could. and he was serious.
So, are you gonna go for it?
doubt it. think ill wait until we're living together again. _________________ "oh no! jabba is going to choose jenny lewis for his wife. R2D2 will destroy him!"
Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 2973 Location: SLC, Utah
Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:55 pm Post subject:
yelley79 wrote:
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half, and the entire time we've been together his ex has continued to call him. He plays the "therapist" card (because he's a therapist and says she calls for "advice"). I know she's been through a lot and has many issues...plus she now lives out in California, away from all of her family and friends. She moved out there because she's a geologist and work just wasn't happening around here. She had a boyfriend/they broke up. ANYWAYS...point is: In the last month she has probably called him 5-6 times AND sent him a PACKAGE (that included a detailed birth chart for him, several rocks from CA, and other weird things that probably meant something to him when they were a couple. I ask him what's up and he says that it's the holiday's and she's just lonely and needs someone to talk to, then he pulls the therapist card as well. He swears there is nothing going on and he doesn't have any feelings for her. Something tells me that she is about to move back to Arkansas, and things are going to get a lot more difficult.
That is kind of weird. I have one or two exes I still talk to, and one who has a dear place in my heart and I will always consider him a good friend. I talk to him semi-frequently and there are some things about me he understands better than anyone else. BUT, I'm in a relationship with someone else now, and I love him so much. My friendship with my ex has no influence at all over my relationship with this guy. So maybe it's one of those things? However, I believe you should listen to your gut. If you feel something is sketchy, it might be. That's a complicated situation. _________________ happiness is not a fish that you can catch.
Joined: 07 Apr 2006 Posts: 984 Location: San Diego
Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 10:24 pm Post subject:
yeah i had an interesting conversation with my ex and it reminded me of why i loved being with her. im personally glad that there is not rift between us and compared to a friend of mine who is having a rough time with a break up, i had it easy. i think i had a rejection that hurt more that a break up. i was told that apparantly it was a tame one. _________________ “Does a man ever tire of looking at the sunrise…when he's balls deep in Kevin?”
im still friends with my ex. we dated for over 4 years. but now when i look back at the "intimate" times, the whole idea grosses me out. like really? we did that? gross. hes like my brother. _________________ "oh no! jabba is going to choose jenny lewis for his wife. R2D2 will destroy him!"
Joined: 13 Jul 2004 Posts: 9697 Location: the goondocks
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 12:00 am Post subject:
I'm still friends with one out of the three exes I've had. As for the other two, it wasn't for a lack of trying that we're no longer friends.
If anything, you just need an appropriate amount of time to get used to the idea that you guys aren't a couple any more. The magic number is six months. If you avoid hanging out together for six months it's usually enough time to go back to being friends again. _________________ "Right is right even if no one does it, and wrong is wrong even if everyone does it."
--Rachel Joy Scott
Joined: 04 Feb 2005 Posts: 2928 Location: Howell, NJ
Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:26 pm Post subject:
Some advice from the ladies please. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. I'm not sure what to get her for X-Mas. I'm thinking of getting her a blu-ray player since she doesn't even have a dvd player.
Is that too impersonal as opposed to jewelery or something? _________________ "When God gave us mirrors....he had no idea...."
My Morning Jacket - Librarian.
Some advice from the ladies please. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. I'm not sure what to get her for X-Mas. I'm thinking of getting her a blu-ray player since she doesn't even have a dvd player.
Is that too impersonal as opposed to jewelery or something?
I am not a lady but.....
it's a little impersonal.....
however......
if you write a letter to go with it
telling her what the last 3 months have meant to you......
women (in my experience and i don't mean to sound like i have it figured out or like i am hot shit) LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT when you take the time to WRITE something to them----not an email----but on paper-----it doesn't matter how insignificant it may seem to you-----they TREASURE it.....
in my experience.
Joined: 19 Mar 2006 Posts: 3014 Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:15 am Post subject:
Built To Post wrote:
Some advice from the ladies please. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. I'm not sure what to get her for X-Mas. I'm thinking of getting her a blu-ray player since she doesn't even have a dvd player.
Is that too impersonal as opposed to jewelery or something?
I mean, I'd say it varies from girl to girl...I think a blu-ray player sounds like a great gift, especially if she doesn't have a dvd player. But I'm the kind of girlfriend who prefers her boyfriends to get her gifts she can really use. I've always considered that to show more care and thought than flowers or jewelry. The best two surprise gifts I've ever gotten? When my boyfriend knew I had lost my iPod charger before I went on a trip to New York and showed up at my train to say goodbye and give me one, and when a guy I was seeing freshman year knew I was having trouble finding photo paper to finish my sister's birthday present and tracked some down for me. _________________ Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face.
Joined: 12 May 2005 Posts: 2706 Location: springfield
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 1:13 pm Post subject:
It's the gift-giver taking the time to figure out what the other person might like or need that makes a gift special. Not every girl would like jewelry as a gift, and not every girl would find a blu-ray player impersonal as a gift. It depends on the person getting it, and you taking the time to figure out whether it's a good gift or not is what makes it special.
If you decide to go with the blu-ray player, you might pick out a movie or two that you know she loves to go with it, which would demonstrate you had taken the time to think about her when you made your your gift choice.
Joined: 19 Mar 2006 Posts: 3014 Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 2:05 pm Post subject:
heatherbee wrote:
It's the gift-giver taking the time to figure out what the other person might like or need that makes a gift special. Not every girl would like jewelry as a gift, and not every girl would find a blu-ray player impersonal as a gift. It depends on the person getting it, and you taking the time to figure out whether it's a good gift or not is what makes it special.
If you decide to go with the blu-ray player, you might pick out a movie or two that you know she loves to go with it, which would demonstrate you had taken the time to think about her when you made your your gift choice.
_________________ Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face.
It's the gift-giver taking the time to figure out what the other person might like or need that makes a gift special. Not every girl would like jewelry as a gift, and not every girl would find a blu-ray player impersonal as a gift. It depends on the person getting it, and you taking the time to figure out whether it's a good gift or not is what makes it special.
If you decide to go with the blu-ray player, you might pick out a movie or two that you know she loves to go with it, which would demonstrate you had taken the time to think about her when you made your your gift choice.
orrrr if you went to the movies on your first date, get her that movie.
i personally do not know how you are financially, but i know for me, i wouldnt buy my boyfriend a bluray player for christmas. even though i know he realllly wants on. could also have to do with the fact that it's his birthday on christmas eve too and his family is against giving him combined large gifts.
but i also think after 3 months, a bluray player is kind of extravagant. if you're thinking jewlery i would get her a nice bracelet (maybe a charm bracelet, but then again, i love charm bracelets) or earings. _________________ "oh no! jabba is going to choose jenny lewis for his wife. R2D2 will destroy him!"
Joined: 27 Sep 2006 Posts: 645 Location: Sacramento, CA
Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:10 pm Post subject: Re: Relationshps
bergenergy wrote:
I know that Built, Never and Happy are dealing with some questions about where to come down with a significant other.
I'm sure that everyone struggles with this.
I have posted many times before about my experiences in a 28 year marriage and won't try to generalize at this point. Except to say that it is complicated.
But go ahead and say what you think and/or feel.
Do you see yourself looking to hook up or get attached?
What are you willing to do you achieve either? Can you do both at the same time?
What type of person do you hope for?
Would it be loving or creepy to obsess over someone?
What would Shakespeare write about your passions?
I'm working on this one as we speak... _________________ I really have nothing interesting to say...
Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 2973 Location: SLC, Utah
Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:32 pm Post subject:
moople72 wrote:
Built To Post wrote:
Some advice from the ladies please. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. I'm not sure what to get her for X-Mas. I'm thinking of getting her a blu-ray player since she doesn't even have a dvd player.
Is that too impersonal as opposed to jewelery or something?
I am not a lady but.....
it's a little impersonal.....
however......
if you write a letter to go with it
telling her what the last 3 months have meant to you......
women (in my experience and i don't mean to sound like i have it figured out or like i am hot shit) LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT when you take the time to WRITE something to them----not an email----but on paper-----it doesn't matter how insignificant it may seem to you-----they TREASURE it.....
in my experience.
This is true. I have saved hand written letters from most of my old boyfriends.
Ugh, I haven't even considered what to get my boyfriend for Christmas yet. For that matter, I haven't considered what to get anyone for Christmas yet. His two favorite bands are playing a concert about a month after Christmas, so I was thinking of getting him tickets for that. The bad thing about that is, his birthday is about around that same time so I can't decide if I should get the tickets for a bday or an xmas present. _________________ happiness is not a fish that you can catch.
Joined: 04 Feb 2005 Posts: 2928 Location: Howell, NJ
Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:52 pm Post subject:
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I talked to her sister and she thinks my g/f would love the blu-ray player and movies that I'm going to get her. As far as a letter, I always get cards that are blank inside and I write my own words instead of those from Hallmark or whatever. _________________ "When God gave us mirrors....he had no idea...."
My Morning Jacket - Librarian.
Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 2973 Location: SLC, Utah
Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:29 pm Post subject:
Well, I finally did it. After months and months of wanting to and debating it back and fourth and upside down and all around in my head, I said the words to him.
I think I shocked him. We spent the whole weekend together, and he was about to leave. I grabbed his hand and said his name, kind of intensely I guess. He said my name back. I just blurted out, "I love you." He looked a little surpised, but gentle. He said, softly, "Really?" and I nodded. Then he kissed me a few times, and took me in his arms, laid my head on his chest and rubbed my shoulders. We just sat like that for a while. Then he kissed me again.
He didn't say it back though.
I'm not sure what to think. I feel so relieved that I said it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me! _________________ happiness is not a fish that you can catch.
Joined: 31 May 2006 Posts: 1071 Location: austin, texas
Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:18 pm Post subject:
happyfish wrote:
Well, I finally did it. After months and months of wanting to and debating it back and fourth and upside down and all around in my head, I said the words to him.
I think I shocked him. We spent the whole weekend together, and he was about to leave. I grabbed his hand and said his name, kind of intensely I guess. He said my name back. I just blurted out, "I love you." He looked a little surpised, but gentle. He said, softly, "Really?" and I nodded. Then he kissed me a few times, and took me in his arms, laid my head on his chest and rubbed my shoulders. We just sat like that for a while. Then he kissed me again.
He didn't say it back though.
I'm not sure what to think. I feel so relieved that I said it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me!
I'm glad you went through on the decision to say it. _________________ + veronica
Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 2973 Location: SLC, Utah
Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:58 pm Post subject:
v-rinny wrote:
happyfish wrote:
Well, I finally did it. After months and months of wanting to and debating it back and fourth and upside down and all around in my head, I said the words to him.
I think I shocked him. We spent the whole weekend together, and he was about to leave. I grabbed his hand and said his name, kind of intensely I guess. He said my name back. I just blurted out, "I love you." He looked a little surpised, but gentle. He said, softly, "Really?" and I nodded. Then he kissed me a few times, and took me in his arms, laid my head on his chest and rubbed my shoulders. We just sat like that for a while. Then he kissed me again.
He didn't say it back though.
I'm not sure what to think. I feel so relieved that I said it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me!
I'm glad you went through on the decision to say it.
Thanks! Now I just have to wait and worry about what will happen next. Oh, how fun relationships are. _________________ happiness is not a fish that you can catch.
Joined: 31 May 2006 Posts: 1071 Location: austin, texas
Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:30 pm Post subject:
happyfish wrote:
v-rinny wrote:
happyfish wrote:
Well, I finally did it. After months and months of wanting to and debating it back and fourth and upside down and all around in my head, I said the words to him.
I think I shocked him. We spent the whole weekend together, and he was about to leave. I grabbed his hand and said his name, kind of intensely I guess. He said my name back. I just blurted out, "I love you." He looked a little surpised, but gentle. He said, softly, "Really?" and I nodded. Then he kissed me a few times, and took me in his arms, laid my head on his chest and rubbed my shoulders. We just sat like that for a while. Then he kissed me again.
He didn't say it back though.
I'm not sure what to think. I feel so relieved that I said it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me!
I'm glad you went through on the decision to say it.
Thanks! Now I just have to wait and worry about what will happen next. Oh, how fun relationships are.
I'm hoping that he's thinking about it, but in a positive way, because he reacted positively when you said it, even though he didn't say it back...it's still worrying, nonetheless...I think everything will turn out good though!! _________________ + veronica
Joined: 04 Feb 2005 Posts: 2928 Location: Howell, NJ
Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:07 pm Post subject:
happyfish wrote:
Thanks! Now I just have to wait and worry about what will happen next. Oh, how fun relationships are.
It's great that you finally said it. He probably was just shocked to hear it. I know he's definitely thinking about it. It's not an easy thing to say for some guys. Especially the first time. I hope he says it back to you soon. Best of luck!
In an odd turn of events on Friday night, I accidentally slipped out the L word to my girlfriend.
She showed up at my door wearing a new jacket for the first time and she had the big furry hood up. I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I instantly started laughing.
Her: What's the matter, you don't like the jacket?
Me: Quite the opposite. It just surprised me. You look so adorable.
Her: Really?
Me (as I leaned in to kiss her hello): Yes. I luv my Lil Eskimo.
She giggled as she gave me a big hug. We didn't really talk about what I said, but now she slips in "love ya" a lot. She even had a post on her Facebook that said, "I love Chuck, but these cookies right now are a close second".
I think I thought so much about how I was going to react when she said it to me, that the word was constantly in my head and it hit the tip of my tongue. I don't she took it as me seriously saying that I love her, but it's definitely opened up the door for her to say it. It's just a matter of time for the serious conversation about it. _________________ "When God gave us mirrors....he had no idea...."
My Morning Jacket - Librarian.
Well, I finally did it. After months and months of wanting to and debating it back and fourth and upside down and all around in my head, I said the words to him.
I think I shocked him. We spent the whole weekend together, and he was about to leave. I grabbed his hand and said his name, kind of intensely I guess. He said my name back. I just blurted out, "I love you." He looked a little surpised, but gentle. He said, softly, "Really?" and I nodded. Then he kissed me a few times, and took me in his arms, laid my head on his chest and rubbed my shoulders. We just sat like that for a while. Then he kissed me again.
He didn't say it back though.
I'm not sure what to think. I feel so relieved that I said it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me!
I'm glad you went through on the decision to say it.
Thanks! Now I just have to wait and worry about what will happen next. Oh, how fun relationships are.
I'm hoping that he's thinking about it, but in a positive way, because he reacted positively when you said it, even though he didn't say it back...it's still worrying, nonetheless...I think everything will turn out good though!!
thats so exciting! clearly he took it well and was probably just surprised.
built to post , maybe "slip up" a few more times to see how she reacts because you do the real "i love you". your story reminded me of friends when monica has the turkey on her head and shes dancing and chandler just laughes and says 'omg i love you'
If anything, you just need an appropriate amount of time to get used to the idea that you guys aren't a couple any more. The magic number is six months. If you avoid hanging out together for six months it's usually enough time to go back to being friends again.
do you think maybe this exists on a sort of movable grid, and the longer the couple has been together, the longer the coming-to-terms period?
and since this topic is out & about, has anyone else had a *particularly* awkward time trying to adjust to the extreme change of dynamic when going from being in a relationship with someone, to trying to continue a (comparitively casual) friendship?
Joined: 13 Jul 2004 Posts: 9697 Location: the goondocks
Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 3:49 am Post subject:
southboundpachyderm wrote:
mojo shivers wrote:
If anything, you just need an appropriate amount of time to get used to the idea that you guys aren't a couple any more. The magic number is six months. If you avoid hanging out together for six months it's usually enough time to go back to being friends again.
do you think maybe this exists on a sort of movable grid, and the longer the couple has been together, the longer the coming-to-terms period?
and since this topic is out & about, has anyone else had a *particularly* awkward time trying to adjust to the extreme change of dynamic when going from being in a relationship with someone, to trying to continue a (comparitively casual) friendship?
I think it's a sliding scale. My usual period of adjustment is twice as long as the relationship, which is fine when it's short, but a bitch when it's longer. My last long-term relationship was three years and took me six years to get over.
As far as the awkward period of adjustment between a relationship back to friendship, I've taken to parahphrashing a line from a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother. Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend/girlfriend or going back to being friends. Just think of it as continuing your friendship where you left off. _________________ "Right is right even if no one does it, and wrong is wrong even if everyone does it."
--Rachel Joy Scott
Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 2973 Location: SLC, Utah
Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 11:39 am Post subject:
I still feel like I made the right decision by telling my boyfriend I love him. I do love him, and I know I will love him no matter what happens, even if he decides I'm not the right person for him, I love him enough to let him go.
But I'm so nervous now about what will happen. That was Sunday night, now it's Tuesday morning. He sent me one text yesterday, just something about how he was having a stressful day at work and that's the only thing I've heard from him.
I really just wonder where he stands. I figure there are three possibilities.
1) He says it back sometime in the next few days and everything is great.
2) He tells me he doesn't feel that way and breaks up with me (which I doubt, but it's possible)
3) He tells me he is happy with our relationship, but doesn't feel that way yet.
The first two would be relatively straight forward, it's the third one I'm afraid of. We've been together six months, I knew I loved him after about 2 months and waited this long to say it. If he doesn't feel this way by now, I really don't think I can wait. It would be really bad for my mental health. _________________ happiness is not a fish that you can catch.
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