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femmes
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Joined: 11 May 2005
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 Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:10 pm
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| bello_returns wrote: |
I'd like your opinions on this.
Ok so, no disrespect to anyone who is a part of and/or enjoys these types of relationships but, does anyone find it strange, annoying, or even pathetic when a couple, particularly a couple that has lived together for a considerable amount of time, has the type of relationship that's very clingy and co-dependent? To be specific, let's say there is a couple that lives together and essentially sees each other everyday. One of them goes and hangs out with friends and the other will text/call them and say "when are you coming home?? I miss you soooo much". Or they will frequently send each other sappy text messages and what not. How is that you MISS someone that you see everyday after only 5 or 6 hours. I moved back in with my mom and I see her everyday, and when she goes to work for 8 hours, I don't miss her at all. But if I went away for a month then yes I would. Now, I can see why this would be typical with couples who have been together briefly, but after I dunno, 7 years, that type of interaction just seems lame to me and the people seem to be insecure and co-dependent. I do understand every now and then and I do understand that couples are affectionate, I mean that's a given. I'm talking about like daily and constantly.
I bring this us because I have a friend who has a girlfriend and they have lived together for a 7 years and the things I hear them say to each other on the phone when I'm hanging out with my friend...I dunno it just seems so pathetic to me. I don't mean to judge but my friend will often ask me what I think about her and their relationship and I always lie and say I'm happy for them but really what I want to say is "I think she's a clingy, insecure pest and I think you're even more pathetic for playing into it." Again, I know I'm coming off judgmental but if I'm asked a question, I feel I should be able to tell the truth. So I just wanted to know if I'm just bitter and cynical or if my friend and his mate are just lame. What do you think?
Btw, if you think I'm being bitter, I would argue with you that if any of my girlfriends acted like that, they'd be disposed of quickly because personally, clingy girlfriends are worse than cheating ones. |
My husband and I have been together for over 7 years and lived together for over 6. During those 7 years, we have spent every night together and every day off together with the exception of a "girls' weekend" in the Ozarks and a few out of town concerts I went to and two math conferences he went to. We do things separate every now and then, but mostly, we are together.
That being said, I am capable of being apart from him and him from me without obnoxious phone calls, but there is a difference between clinginess/co-dependence and non-waning affection. My husband is my best friend, the father of my two year old and the baby I'm pregnant with now. When he's not with me and I'm watching some sappy tv show where people are in love, I miss him. I saw him 7 hours ago, and I am missing him right now. When you share that much time and attachment with a person, you are going to miss them when you're separated. And a text that expresses that sentiment is not necessarily a sign that you're dependent on that person. I think the key is knowing that you can be happy and separate at times from your significant other. |
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bergenergy
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Joined: 24 Apr 2005
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Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:26 pm
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I'm pretty much in the same situation as femmes. Didn't spend more than 1 night apart for 20 years. We didn't do it to be clingy, it just worked out that way because neither of us travels on business and family visits/vacations are done together. That has changed a bit over the last 10 though.
haha, my daughter met a guy in college who comes from our home town so I stalked him through his library record
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bergenergy
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:10 pm
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A somewhat haha line from Adri's email about a new guy.
| Quote: |
| And yes hung out with Sam last night, it was good. Less awk than I expected and a lot less awk than the early times with Artem. A little awkward at times though. mainly due to the fact that I'm an awkward person... it was when he went in for the hug at the end. That was the worst part in my opinion, but it was a good start to whatever we're doing here. |
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neverending
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:14 am
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| bergenergy wrote: |
haha, my daughter met a guy in college who comes from our home town so I stalked him through his library record |
anything interesting?
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happyfish
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Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:22 pm
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So, long story short, my boyfriend told me he is planning on proposing sometime in the next three months. It's not too much of a surprise as we've been talking about marriage for quite some time now, but still. It's kind of a weird thought. I am sitting here trying to think of how to elaborate on that, but don't really know what else to say other than I'm excited and also a little bit terrified.
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v-rinny
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Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:52 pm
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| happyfish wrote: |
| So, long story short, my boyfriend told me he is planning on proposing sometime in the next three months. It's not too much of a surprise as we've been talking about marriage for quite some time now, but still. It's kind of a weird thought. I am sitting here trying to think of how to elaborate on that, but don't really know what else to say other than I'm excited and also a little bit terrified. |
Oh, wow, Carrie! But I'd feel the same way.
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bergenergy
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Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 10:33 pm
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Kind of a proposal to propose. It seems like you two have been together long enough to have a good understanding of each other. Congratulations!!
imo, when he does make it official, don't set a date more than a year away - toooooo loooong
My older daughter's boyfriend's father just promised to give them $100,000 toward buying a house.  They're wealthy, but not that much.
He is a very kind man who will not attach (too many) strings to the money.
In the SF area, $100,000 goes a lot less far than you would think. The bf and Rosie talk about marriage a lot too .......
| neverending wrote: |
| bergenergy wrote: |
haha, my daughter met a guy in college who comes from our home town so I stalked him through his library record |
anything interesting? |
Not in the library record, neither he nor his family appear to have checked out anything. I did stalk his FB page and he looks a lot more outgoing and social (i.e., cool) than her. But then I looked at her page and she appears a lot more cool there than she is too. 
Anyway, he seems to be having to assure her that he likes her but also let her know that things won't go too fast.
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bergenergy
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Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 2:25 pm
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So Adri and 'the boy,' as emily would say, had 'the talk'. Where you stay up pretty much all night telling each your life history.
It went well and now she says that her positive excitement about seeing him outweights her nervous anxiety about it.
He lives in our town (went to separate HS), so Spring Break should be interesting.
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Built To Post
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:10 pm
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| bergenergy wrote: |
| imo, when he does make it official, don't set a date more than a year away - toooooo loooong |
THIS!!!!!
I can't wait for my wedding to get here. I want the stress to end. I was surprised to find out how many relatives and friends try to force their ideas as if it were their wedding, and get insulted because we want to take it in a different direction than what they want it to be.
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happyfish
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:45 pm
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| Built To Post wrote: |
| bergenergy wrote: |
| imo, when he does make it official, don't set a date more than a year away - toooooo loooong |
THIS!!!!!
I can't wait for my wedding to get here. I want the stress to end. I was surprised to find out how many relatives and friends try to force their ideas as if it were their wedding, and get insulted because we want to take it in a different direction than what they want it to be. |
I totally agree. I am not a wedding person whatsoever. I have almost zero desire to plan a wedding, so I won't NEED more than a year. I only care that my wedding has drinks, dancing, and food.
I'd rather spend my time and energy planning an awesome honeymoon...I want to go to Italy or Japan or Belgium....now THAT'S something to get excited about!
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bergenergy
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 5:53 pm
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| happyfish wrote: |
I only care that my wedding has drinks, dancing, and food.
I'd rather spend my time and energy planning an awesome honeymoon...I want to go to Italy or Japan or Belgium....now THAT'S something to get excited about |
So smart. But it's easy to underestimate how much the pull to add more and more traditional stuff will grow.
My mother came down on Easter and we went to eat with Honorable Number 1 Daughter and her boy at a place that does wedding receptions.
He didn't start squirming when we started casing the joint.
Met the boy for Honorable Number 2 Daughter and he was confident and polite. They are hanging out together about 3-4 times a week now, but still not officially together. It's funny how she sometimes chooses to pull
back but then gets worried and hurt if he is does the same.
As far as myself, had great moment at Jeff Mangum show turn disasterous when my girl and I got caught in the small-argument-escalates-into-huge-argument trap. Took almost 36 hours to find the common ground again, but at least it's such a relief to stop the angst.
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bergenergy
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 10:39 pm
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| bergenergy wrote: |
| As far as myself, had great moment at Jeff Mangum show turn disasterous when my girl and I got caught in the small-argument-escalates-into-huge-argument trap. Took almost 36 hours to find the common ground again, but at least it's such a relief to stop the angst. |
I ended up getting some pretty good advice about this.
You have different styles and they aren't going to change.
So, most importantly, understand that your partner has reasons for feeling the way they do which are not about trying to annoy/pick a fight with you. If you have empathy for the causes of their behavior you won't feel so angered by it.
Secondly, since these different styles have clashed many times before, don't be all surprised and outraged when they act that way again. Best to try to negotiate a compromise where both styles can co-exist.
Anyone else have any tips on avoiding/managing fights with significant others?
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 3:19 pm
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Decided on a tux yesterday for my wedding. It's this one, but with a pleated shirt, black vest, black & silver buttons, and a white pocket stuffer. Very James Bond ha ha..
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v-rinny
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:52 pm
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Very dapper!
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bergenergy
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:47 pm
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| Built To Post wrote: |
Decided on a tux yesterday for my wedding. It's this one, but with a pleated shirt, black vest, black & silver buttons, and a white pocket stuffer. Very James Bond ha ha..
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Fuck Yeah -
but which one?
My wife wouldn't let me, umm, I mean argued persuasively against me wearing dark because she thought it would make me look too much thinner than her.
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happyfish
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:02 pm
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So cute, Dan. Can your wife fedex me her wedding dress? I don't want to shop for one and that is adorable.
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Built To Post
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Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 7:26 pm
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| bergenergy wrote: |
Fuck Yeah -
but which one? |
Connery....at least in attitude.
You two looked great!
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bergenergy
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:08 pm
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| Built To Post wrote: |
| bergenergy wrote: |
Fuck Yeah -
but which one? |
Connery....at least in attitude.
You two looked great! |
Thanks!
So Chuck, you have alluded to all the many things to plan. Any comments about anything in particular? |
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Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 1:33 pm
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| bergenergy wrote: |
| So Chuck, you have alluded to all the many things to plan. Any comments about anything in particular? |
There were some things that I was unaware of, such as getting groomsmen gifts, but with so many of the people invited being from out of state, one of the biggest pains is coordinating where everyone will stay. The most discouraging thing though when attempting a fairly small wedding, was realizing how hurt some were for not being invited. Our wedding has almost doubled from the original plan.
Egos have also been bruised from not being asked to be a member of the wedding party. I was surprised at phone calls to me from friends asking why I chose another instead of them.
I've always been of the mindset that the day is for the couple, and they should do it any way they like. Apparently many do not think that way.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 1:36 pm
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My wedding is two weeks from today. Surprising to myself, I'm getting less nervous as it approaches and so much has been accomplished. I now can't wait for the big day. It's going to be quite the party. 
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neverending
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:10 pm
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yay! so exciting! cant wait to see pictures!
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:32 pm
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Yeah, I'll definitely post some pics.
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happyfish
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Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 3:17 pm
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| Built To Post wrote: |
| My wedding is two weeks from today. Surprising to myself, I'm getting less nervous as it approaches and so much has been accomplished. I now can't wait for the big day. It's going to be quite the party. |
Whooooo! I'm so excited for you! I can't wait to hear about it and see pics. Congratulations!!!
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:18 am
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The wedding was the best day of my life! I don't have time for details as I'm getting ready to go on our honeymoon, but here's a pic. More to come when I get back.
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moople72
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Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 5:01 pm
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Awesome! Great!
Did they play Chuck E's in Love at the reception?
Congrats! |
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